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“Words For Wives And Husbands” • 7.8.18
• Calvary Christian Fellowship, Sunday Morning Service
Intro.
- The foundation for what we are
about to look at begins in I Peter 2:13.
Because we are to consider ourselves pilgrims and sojourners in this world,
submit to every ordinance of men. Why?
- Verse 15 supplies the answer, "that
by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men."
Peter has talked about the realm of servitude.
- He moves now into the realm of
marriage, not merely an institution of man, but indeed an institution created
by God for the benefit of mankind.
- How are Christian wives and
husbands to live that they might silence accusation and flourish in a Christ
rejecting world? Let's find out. Verse 1.
Text
• I Peter 3:1,2 : "Wives, likewise, be submissive to
your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a
word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste
conduct accompanied by fear." : Peter has not left his previous thoughts. The word "likewise"
connects his exhortations to the Christian servant to the Christian wife.
- The
women that he is addressing have found themselves in a similar state to the
servants.
- These
were wives who came to Christ while they were married, who now had to pivot to
manage their previously existing marriage. Imagine some of their difficulty.
- They had
a new nature from which to view the world and new mental faculties given to
them by the Holy Spirit as they ingested God's word.
- They
were living under a new law of love, but their husbands were not affected in
the same way. What were they supposed to do now? As Christians, were they
supposed to take over or leave ?
- Peter
calls each wife to submit, to arrange themselves behind their own husbands.
Fall in behind him. The Apostle's words are direct and unapologetic.
- His
words to servants had been to fall in behind the gentle and the harsh Master.
In the same way, there is no qualifier to Peter's words here.
-
Regardless of his status in Christ, Christ's word to wives through Peter, was
to submit to their own husbands. His statement doesn't infer an intellectual
inferiority.
- Rather,
he caters his command to the prescribed order that the Lord demands in a
Christian household. While we are here, it's worthwhile to again consider the
parameters of submission.
- A wife
is never to submit to any behavior that dehumanizes or disrespects her person,
nor is she to submit to that which clearly contradicts scriptural commands.
- I
refer to plainly understood tenets of the faith, not necessarily matters of
spiritual preference. - I have always
liked to think of it this way: Every part of society works upon the acceptance
of authority. When any person accepts authority first, they are free to live
well under it.
- They
are invited and expected to participate to the point of decision, which is then
left to another person. The family is no different. The final decision maker is
the husband.
- At
this point, can you hear the ladies object? What if he doesn't obey the word? What
is Peter referring to? Primarily, Peter is referring to obeying the word of the
gospel.
- The
NLT translates this verse that way and it's a legitimate way to look at this
verse. After all, how can a newly saved wife trust her unsaved husband to make
decisions in her best interest?
- On the
other hand, the text also supports the consideration that the husband is saved,
but not necessarily in agreement regarding God's plan for their life. Why do I
say that?
- The
word that is here translated "obey" comes from the Greek word
"apatheo," from which we get our word "apathetic." When we
use the word, we are describing a person who doesn't care.
- The
Greeks used it to speak of a person who was unwilling to comply, who wouldn't
allow himself to be persuaded.
-
Additionally, Peter writes in the present indicative, meaning that they refuse
to let the word penetrate their hearts and that is the way they repeatedly
respond.
- This
is a person with the capacity to choose, unlike an unbeliever who would never
choose the things of God. At the very least, one could say that both scenarios
are applicable.
- If you
have a non-Christian husband, who repeatedly shuts himself off to the call of
the gospel, submit. If you have a Christian husband, who is stubborn and slow
to heed the word, submit!
- Why?
Is Peter unconcerned with their souls? Does he not understand the implications?
Peter is both concerned and aware of the implications. He is also aware of a
better way.
- Submit
to, show deference for your husbands, so that he might be won by the actions of
his wife. If he is not a Christian, he will observe your actions and recognize
the wisdom of your choices!
- If he
is a Christian, he might have time to be softened by the Holy Spirit, rather
than becoming increasingly stubborn against the word and you!
- Your
influence doesn't have to be verbal and argumentative. It can and should be
direct, but once something is said, trust the Lord to bring His will to pass!
- Peter
is laying out inspired, biblical, God-produced truth. He knows what moves the
hearts of husbands, believe it or not, even better than you!
- The
Apostle is filling in what cannot be seen by a wife when a wife takes this
tact. She has offered her wisdom and said, "But, I'll leave the decision
in your hands."
- She's
walked away and gone about her business and the husband is seemingly
unaffected.
- God
has taken her wisdom and caused it to burrow in the heart and mind of the
husband. He is weighing what has been said and God is causing him to look at
that against her actions.
- In
this way, they are gained for the Kingdom, not when there has been an
overwhelming argument, but when the husband has had chance to closely observe
their reverant life before God.
-
Nothing says, "I trust the Lord!" like a person who actually stands
back and waits for the Lord to do what He has promised to do! I love this
concept.
-
Husbands will rarely be convinced by a series of words, arguments and manipulative
ploys.
- But The
Word lived out by wives willing to to trust the Lord, will win the day! Does
this mean that every non- or sluggard Christian will be positively changed? No.
- There
isn't a promise here to claim, but an action to embody that gives the Lord His
best chance to move in the lives of individual husbands.
- Think
about it this way: God wants to move in your husband's life more than you do.
When you decide to do all the work, God will let you, but don't expect the Lord
to override you!
- He'll
wait for you to step aside so that He can step in and do it right! Remember:
What we manufacture, we must maintain. What God manufactures, He will maintain!
Verse 3.
• I Peter 3:3,4 : "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair,
wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person
of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
is very precious in the sight of God." : Think of the recourse that a wife might be left to. "If I
can't influence him with my words, I'll do it with my looks!" Peter
anticipates that response.
- "Don't
let your adornment be merely outward." The clue here is in the word
"merely." This shouldn't be your only matter of
"adornment," literally "kosmos."
- This
is the only time in the New Testament that the word "kosmos" is used
in the context of beauty. Generally, it speaks of the order imposed upon chaos
through creation.
- The
Lord is not against these preparations. He is merely warning through Peter, not
to let our preparations be only skin deep! "Don't stop at the
surface!"
- There
is a wonderful glory in well arranged, braided hair, beautiful jewelry and what
seems to be the Greek equivalent of an evening gown.
- How
sad then to have a fashionable body, but a transient spirit! Be sure that your
spirit is made up as well! Let your internal beauty be the lead player on
display!
- Let me
challenge you on a few points: When you compare your beauty preparation time or
budget against your spirit preparation time or budget, what is the difference?
- The
challenge to you and I is always to go deeper still into the things of God.
- If
your husband will see the hidden person that resides in your heart, the real
you that is submitted to Christ and committed to His highest glory, then those
numbers should reflect that!
- That
person is hidden from the world but can be seen by a husband that sees
everything. That inner person leads with an unfading beauty stemming from a
gentle and quiet spirit.
- Unlike
our external presentation, our inner being, the person we really are, remains
and indeed grows in beauty as we age in Christ.
- That
beauty begins with gentleness, otherwise translated as "meekness." It
is strength under control, power that is restrained until it is necessary to
employ it.
- The
Greeks would use this word to describe a race horse, or a beast of burden, that
when not employed for their power, could be docile and seemingly powerless.
Gentle and quiet.
- The
word is considered generally "peaceable," but is made up of two words
which when put together, means "to keep one's seat."
- The
idea is that the person endowed with this quality in their character is not
disturbed by that which comes up before them. They aren't jumping at every crisis.
They are willing to be still.
- No
wonder God considers this incredibly rare and valuable! Whoever has such
qualities is worth a great price in the catalogue that God holds! Verse 5.
• I Peter 3:5,6 : "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted
in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling
him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any
terror." : Ladies,
don't think for a second that this is some new concept that is being hoisted
upon you. This is the way that it's always been!
- Notice
Peter's words: This is how the holy women who trusted in God adorned
themselves! When you trust in your own arguments and beauty to influence, you
are trusting in yourself!
- What a
sad reservoir to trust in? Arguments can be debated. Beauty is fading. But a
trusting submission to the Lord through a husband is a great and biblical
example.
- Peter
is saying, "What I am describing can be seen among the greatest women who
ever walked the planet!" They were gentle. They were peaceable. They were
submissive.
- Need
an example? Have a look at Sarah, Abraham's wife. Who hasn't studied the Father
of the faith? You know, I'm not sure he could have been who he was without the
Mother of the faith!
- Sarah
repeatedly obeyed Abraham and called him "lord!" This isn't to say
that you should call your husband "lord." The idea however, conveys
the uttmost respect that Sarah had for Abraham.
- And
for those that have studied Abraham, we are talking about the man that asked
his wife to claim to be his sister every place they went! (Genesis 20:13)
- He was
not a perfect man and at times, not a submitted man either. The blessing is
conveyed on her because she was submitted to God in submitting to her flawed
husband!
- Peter
encourages wives with this. You are her daughters if you do good, in this
instance, to treat their husbands with respect and are not in fear or
amazement. I actually prefer the CSB here.
• I Peter 3:6b (CSB) : "You
have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any
intimidation." : No
matter the difficulty or possible repercussion, Peter calls the wives to do
good and not to be afraid of the outcome.
- Trust
that the Lord has put you in a position to do good! Peter now turns his
attention to the husbands in verse 7.
• I Peter 3:7 : "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving
honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." : This single verse forms the sum total
of Peter's counsel to husbands! Ladies, don't be discouraged. Notice the word
"likewise?"
- This
connects Peter's thoughts, at the very least, back to verse 1 and the
exhortations given to wives. Certainly, there were men who came to Christ whose
wives did not!
-
Believe it or not, husbands are to submit themselves to their roles as husbands,
thus, in a sense, submitting to their wives. Paul mentions this in Ephesians
5:21.
- We are
all to submit one to another in the fear of God! When a person becomes a
husband, there is a proper way to act and he must order himself in such a way if
he is to carry it out!
- Like
the wives, husbands were to respond to their non Christian wive's apathy with
good conduct. They weren't just to make themselves strong physically, but
spiritually as well.
- As
with the wives, I now challenge the husbands: What is the difference in your
time spent on your body or your hobby against what is spent upon your spirit? "What's
good for the goose . . . "
- In
addition to these implicit instructions, Peter adds this: "Dwell with your
wife with understanding." Live with them. Settle in and be present. That
is what it means "to dwell."
- Don't
treat your home as if it's just a place to prepare for your next day at work!
Be there. Consider what is happening inside those walls. Be involved,
especially with your wife!
- Dwell
with them with understanding, the concept being that we are ever coming to a
greater knowledge of who they are. This is such an important concept.
- Too
often, it's easy for men to simply relate to their wives as if they are just
any woman, accepting general stereotypes. Peter tells them to know them
specifically.
- Live
with them, understanding who they are, living with consideration to that
knowledge. GIve them the honor that you would give a delicate vessel. Consider
this illustration.
- A
friend has given you charge of several different pieces of valuable art. He has
paid an incalculable amount for these rare pieces.
- You
bring them to your home and only then realize just how different each one is. Some
are shaped from mud. Some are carved from marble. Several are made from glass
and crystal.
- In
order to remain friends, you begin to map out where each piece will be best
kept. You are living with consideration, giving honor to the specific type of
vessel each one is.
-
Understand what type of vessel your wife is? What is her temperment? Sandy
Adams made this comment: Every husband should know what makes a wife tick and
what ticks her off!
- God
has given her to you as a gift in this life, and she has been paid for by the
blood of Jesus Christ. In fact, you and her are heirs togther of this
salvation!
- The
same price that was paid for your soul was paid for hers as well and she has
been given the same reward, the grace of life!
- She
has been given God's unmerited favor for eternal life! So, with that in mind,
live considerately with your wife.
- Do
this so that she will flourish and enjoy the role that she has to play
alongside of you, but do this also for the sake of your prayers!
- As
husbands, our prayers to the Lord can be frustrated when we refuse to live this
way.
- If you
expect to have a great marriage but refuse to honor these principles, you'll
wonder why God has not answered you! How can He honor your prayers when you
won't honor His Word!?
- Peter
warns the Christian husbands that they can't have the life that they want
without submitting themselves to the role that He has designed for them. Verse 8.
• I Peter 3:8,9 : "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one
another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or
reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were
called to this, that you may inherit a blessing." : As he concludes this portion, Peter
lumps each Christian, servant, wife and husband, into one unit. All of you be
of one mind.
- Be
like minded and live harmoniously with one another. How can we cultivate a
single mind? By our adherance to the word of God, our standard for authority
and living.
- You
will never regret the time you spend engaging with God's Word. It's never
wasted time!
- Our
singular mind is tuned as we engage collectively in His Word. That shouldn't
lead to a rigidity, but should extend a heart of charity and compassion for one
another.
- The
word is better translated "sympathy." Be affected by what affects
others. Consider what it must be like to stand in their shoes and respond in
kind.
- This
is what it means to be brothers in the Lord. Love and be tenderhearted. Have "strong
bowels." Feel toward one another and be friendly! These are the positive
elements of body life.
- Sadly,
Peter knows that there can also be negative aspects as well. You should choose
to act in a brotherly, engaged way, but you must also choose to reject the
actions of an enemy.
- We
would hear Peter's exhortation this way: Don't ever repay evil for evil.
- Peter
rightly presumes that there will be people that will come into any given
fellowship who will have the capacity to treat people in an evil way.
- Keep
in mind that the church is not an organization of equally sanctified
individuals. When something does take place, don't make it worse by responding
with evil.
- That
goes for insults as well. It's never productive to throw out an insult after
you have been insulted. It might feel good to our flesh but it undercuts what
the Spirit wants to do in our midst.
- When
you are insulted turn it around an offer a blessing. That is why God invited
you into His family and that opens the door for you to receive a blessing from
the Lord! Verse 10.
• I Peter 3:10-12 : " For 'He
who would love life and see
good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his
lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let
him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.'" : Peter isn't just venting a wishful
thought. He quotes from Psalm 34:12-16. Would you want to be one that
loves life? That sees good days?
- I'm fairly certain that each person here
would respond affirmatively! Since that is the case, keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from guile or trickery.
- A Christian should never be anything but
honest. They should be known for an honest mouth and a devotion to good!
- The Lord commands His people to completely
and absolutely shun evil. Repudiate evil. Hate what it represents and do good.
Seek peace and make that your pursuit with one another!
- What a promise is given: God is keeping His
eye upon those that live this way. Literally, His eyes are "over" the
righteous ones! Peter has called Him the "Bishop of our souls!" (I
Peter 2:25)
- Know that He keeps a steady watch over you
and His ears are open to our prayers! What a contrast then to those that do
evil! The Lord's face is against them!
- Think about this: God is so Holy, a righteous
person, Moses, can barely stand in the presence of His proverbial backside as
He passes.
- What will happen to a person devoted to evil
when they face the Lord's face? It won't be good to have to see the Lord face
to face!
Conclusion
- Let's pray.
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