Session #25

II Samuel 12:26-13
“The World Of Neglect” • 3.18.08 • Autonomy, Authority And The Man Of God, Session #25
Intro.

- David’s kingdom is again expanding through Joab’s military victory at Rabbah.
- David’s problem was not in the realm of politics, but in the realm of his family. Things will begin with David’s son Amnon. Amnon had a desire for his half-brother, Absalom’s sister, Tamar.
• II Samuel 13:2 : “Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her.”
- Amnon was distressed because Tamar was untouchable. The Bible tells us though that Amnon had a cousin, who in turn, had a plan.
• II Samuel 13:4,5 : “And he said to him, ‘Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?’ Amnon said to him, ‘I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.’ So Jonadab said to him, ‘Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’”
- David, oblivious to his son’s scheme, sends Tamar into the waiting hands of Amnon, who rapes his half sister and then, discards her.
• II Samuel 13:15 : “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, ‘Arise, be gone!’”
- Amnon has acted with great wickedness. His actions are deplorable and sickening.
- Justice is required, and yet for Tamar it is denied. Absalom offers consolation to his sister.
• II Samuel 13:20,21 : “And Absalom her brother said to her, ‘Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.’ So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.”
- Absalom has waited and watched. David has heard these things, he was angry, but Amnon lived without consequences. There are very loaded words that you can observe in verse 23: “after two full years…”
- Absalom conceives a plan himself. He plans a large party for all of the family. After David excuses himself, Absalom’s full plan comes into effect.
• II Samuel 13:28,29 : “Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, ‘Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon!’ then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.’ So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled.”
- News reaches David and at first, it’s reported that all of his sons are dead. In an ironic turn, it’s Jonadab that reveals the real situation.
• II Samuel 13:32 : “Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, ‘Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar.’”
- Soon after, Jonadab’s words are affirmed to be true and there is a touching reunion with David and his sons. These are the words at the conclusion of chapter 13.
• II Samuel 13:37-39 : “But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.”
- As we attempt to synthesize the lessons of this tragic story, there is one word that keeps coming up: Neglect.
- Certainly, for Fathers, this is a deep chapter, lined with lessons, but even for those who are not parents, these principles also apply.

I. The Seed Of Neglect (12:29,30)
II. The Action Of Neglect (v.20,21)
III. The Regret Of Neglect (v.37-39)

Text

I. The Seed Of Neglect (12:29,30)

• II Samuel 12:29,30 : “So David gathered all the people together and went to Rabbah, fought against it, and took it. Then he took their king’s crown from his head. Its weight was a talent of gold, with precious stones. And it was set on David’s head. Also he brought out the spoil of the city in great abundance.” : David has a calling upon his life from the Lord. Here, he is uniting his people in their nationalism.
- What he is doing is right. Taking territory and expanding the kingdom’s influence is not only normal activity for Kings, but in this case, a fulfillment of God’s work for the people of Israel, who are God’s representatives on Earth.
- Please recall that Israel’s settlement in the promised land is part of God’s judgment upon the Canaanite cities, that were a godless, inhumane race of people.
- Here, David continues that decree against an ancient foe in the people of Ammon. The Ammonites were related to the Israelites through the incestuous relationship that Lot had with his younger daughter back in Genesis 19.
- They had turned to wickedness and idolatry and often fought against the Israelites throughout their history. It’s one of their cities that is being raided here.
- The city is Rabbah means “great.” It was great is due to it’s inhabitants.
• Deuteronomy 3:11 : “For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of the giants. Indeed his bedstead was an iron bedstead. (Is it not in Rabbah of the people of Ammon?) Nine cubits is its length and four cubits its width, according to the standard cubit.”
- 13 feet long, 6 feet wide! Pretty impressive. By David’s time, it may not follow that there were still giants in the land, but Rabbah had earned a reputation for greatness.
- Perhaps it was because of their riches. After David had taken the city, he took the King’s crown for his head. The author details that the crown’s weight was a talent of gold. That is roughly, depending on who you read, 60 to 100 pounds!
- The possessions do not end there, as the spoil from the victory was in “great abundance.”
- Generally, spoil would be money, jewels, cattle, etc.,
- David is a success. His military career is an important aspect of his life. Remember though that it is not the only aspect of his life.
- He is the King and is doing what he is supposed to do. He is conquering “great” cities, increasing his riches and expanding the influence of the Kingdom.
- It’s of great significance that the Lord juxtaposes this story about David’s professional life, with this story of David’s private life.
- It’s interesting that there is a crown in David’s professional life, but the crown that matters in David’s life is his heritage, spiritually.
• Proverbs 17:6 : “Children’s children are the crown of old men, And the glory of children is their father.”
- What am I getting at? Don’t you think I need to work to provide for my family? Absolutely! In fact, if you are not willing to work, important distinction, then you shall not eat!
- I am not advocating idleness, but priority. Our work is to feed our family, both literally for those with families, but metaphorically for those who are part of the family of God.
- Be careful of professional success, especially when it comes at the price of your private life.
- You might have more money, but do you have more time with your kids and wife?
- You might have more things, but do you have resource to bless the Lord with?
- You might be given more responsibility and power, but do you have time left to serve the Lord in the area of spiritual calling? Be careful!

II. The Action Of Neglect (v.20,21)

• II Samuel 13:20,21 : “And Absalom her brother said to her, ‘Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.’ So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” : Looking at these verses we see that David sent Tamar into a very compromising position, that was easily discerned if he had looked.
- Amnon was acting like a child and his request was bizarre, in that he had a million servants who could aid and assist him. David should have smelled a rat!
- Instead, he assumes that because it’s a “brother” things are alright! Sorry for the allusion, but as parents, and brothers, we cannot ever be too careful in our recommendations, nor can we ever let our guard down, when it comes to protecting those that we care about.
- As painful as it is, let’s take a look at just a few statements from this scene.
• II Samuel 13:11-17 : “Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, ‘Come, lie with me, my sister.’ And she answered him, ‘No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.’ However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, ‘Arise, be gone!’ So she said to him, ‘No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.’ But he would not listen to her. Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, ‘Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her.’” : We have read this to note a few things of importance.
- First, notice that she appeals to his sense of righteousness. To rape his own half-sister was such a disgraceful thing, so as not to be done in Israel. In other words, only the godless act this way.
- More importantly, she appeals to his sense of authority. This is truly interesting, where Tamar says, “speak to the King.”
- Commentators are divided about the meaning here. Some believe that Tamar was not a natural child, but an adopted child of David’s through Macaah, who bore him Absalom.
- Others point to the law that David would have quoted to Amnon from the book of Leviticus.
• Leviticus 18:11 : “The nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, begotten by your father--she is your sister--you shall not uncover her nakedness.”
- Either way, Amnon’s proposed actions were against the law of God. Including his action that put her away, which Tamar says was even worse that the first action.
- Remember that a woman in those days would less likely be married if they were not virgins.
- So the law provided for women in Tamar’s position.
• Exodus 22:16,17 : “If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins.”
- Deuteronomy 22:28,29 repeats this but adds that Amnon was to marry Tamar and never be able to divorce her.
- But, I am not thinking that this is why she said this. I believe that she is calling out for her covering, her protection. The one who will stand over her, and that Amnon, or any guy would have to go through to get to her.
- Notice that she assumes that he will be treated as a fool in Israel. She assumes that the consequences will be severe. However, after she is raped, and after she shows her deep mourning, even then, nothing is done! Oh, but David was very angry! But that’s it!
- Not even so much as a censure or a rebuke seems to have been uttered by David to Amnon.
- David did not take his number one job seriously enough, allowing this injustice to occur right under his nose. The result of this inaction by David left Tamar “desolate.”
- From my understanding of this word, it carries emotional concepts such as one who is “appalled,” or shocked or stunned. The word though is also picturesque in that it can also be translated “deserted.”
- I wonder what Tamar felt because of David’s inactions, his failure to deal rightly with this situation by punishing Amnon for his heinous crime against her.
- David’s lack of action not only left Tamar feeling deserted, a victim twice over, but it bore in the heart of Absalom a deep abiding hatred of Amnon. In the vacuum left by a neglectful man, there is inevitably pain and rage.
- It’s not just when a man fails to protect, but also when he fails to build up or invest or encourage, that son or daughter or friend or brother in the Lord.

III. The Regret Of Neglect (v.37-39)

• II Samuel 13:37-39 : “But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.” : Absalom has acted upon the rage that was his after two full years of parental, civil and legal neglect.
- Absalom’s rage and hatred against Amnon must have been easy to discern. David again looked the other way and this time, allowed Amnon to fall into Absalom’s trap.
- This does not excuse the sinner before the Lord. I can never do something sinful because of the actions or in this case, inactions of another, and be justified before the Lord.
- Absalom’s anger and desire for justice was right and justice should have been served, but not by him, and never by us.
- The Apostle Paul, explaining the practical ways that the theology of the book of Romans apply, speaks to this issue.
• Romans 12:17-19 : “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
- Absalom flees, just as David had once fled, to a foreign king. The next phrase is the phrase of every Father who has neglected his role, and every man who has ever neglected spiritual disciplines: David mourned for his son every day!
- David lamented Absalom. He mourned, questioned, wondered with great confusion, how he went wrong! He mourned the effects of his own sin with Bath-Sheba and then, the neglect of his parental, ministerial role.
- But even here, we see again David repeating the same problem. He longs for Absalom, but never visits him for 3 years, either for civil punishment or for reconciliation and support.
- He allows there to be sorrow or emotion, but then, he refuses to act.
- What is sad is that in just a few chapters, we will see that Absalom will meet a similar fate to that of Amnon’s.

Conclusion

- Today, you may be living with great regret for what has happened in your past, either as a Father, or as a Christian man. Let me say now that you and I are to confess our sins, and let the Lord wash and cleanse us, forgiving us for our past neglect.
- My goal is never to make you feel guilty for the past. That is Satan’s job! No, my goal is ever to warn you of what your future will be if you neglect the roles that the Lord has given to you today.
- Are there areas of neglect today that you need to consider? In the home, are you neglecting the role that you have taken on voluntarily or involuntarily? In your spiritual life, are there areas of neglect, things that you know to begin or things that you know must end?
- I pray that in whatever state, you will realize that the cost of neglect now is greater in the long run than the pain of a godly response today.