Genesis (Topical)

“Uncovering The Secrets Of Successful Union.” • 12.20.06 • Calvario De Jerez, Wednesday Night Service

Intro

- One of my favorite “Carlos Casco-isms” is that you cannot see a defect on a car from an airplane! We have been going through Genesis from this same perspective.

- Along the way, similar themes have popped up on the landscape, one of them has been the subject of coupling.

- Because it has not been our intention to cover everything, there are some things that have suffered and need some further explanation for the sake of full clarity.

- Before I get started I need to give just a small introduction regarding the foundation of this particular message.

- Before my family and I came last year, I awoke to a very rude reality.

- It had been a long time coming and been born through various counseling experiences.

- The Church was plagued with failing marriages, as much as the world.

- Many times, I felt that the individuals stopped working, and truly that was the case.

- Then I began to see it from another angle.

- I began to counsel a young woman who is like a spiritual niece to me.

- I realized then by watching her that there are problems natural to the process of modern coupling, dating or courtship.

- The problem is with the way in which we proceed to get married!

- Our focus is way off, our methods are fraught with failure and therefore, our foundations are weak, unable to sustain the intention of God for a lifelong commitment.

- A few weeks ago, a young man told me that what I am about to tell you will be hard to accept among younger people who are single.

- I say that if it’s biblical that we have no choice but to view it as the model for success and learn to get rid of the worldly philosophies which have crept into our thinking with regard to this subject.

- So by way of observation, let’s take a synoptic look at the Genesis data regarding marriage.

- In doing so, I feel we will uncover some principles that are worthy of our consideration.

- They are as follows:

I. God’s Choice (2:18-22)

II. Parental Involvement (24:1-4)

III. Critical Criteria (24:10-14)

IV. Clear Intentions (2:23-25)

Text

I. God’s Choice (2:18-22)

• Genesis 2:18-22 : “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”

- Notice immediately here that “God said.” He noted a need, he noted that being alone was not good.

- This in light of the fact that God had created everything and it was good.

- Let’s remind ourselves that this is talking to one particular situation.

- It was not good for “Adam,” “Man” to be alone.

- It is true that there are verses that extol marriage as an ideal situation.

• Proverbs 18:22 : “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

• Proverbs 19:14 : “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

• Proverbs 31:10-18 : “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night.”

- All this being said, it is still God’s choice to bring a woman into Adam’s life to be a helper to him.

- The context demands that Adam in naming all of the animals was actively seeking someone that He could couple with.

- He had a great desire to be completed. God saw that this great need was not good and he brought a solution, a wife for Adam to love and have partnership with.

- That being the context, some people in life have no such thought toward these things.

- Let’s take a good example of a few people that I know who are so consumed with what God has given them to do that they have literally not had time to consider a partner.

- A very influential person in this congregation, the Apostle Paul, would tell us the same thing.

• I Corinthians 7:6-9 : “But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

- Paul goes on to further explain his position later in the same chapter.

• I Corinthians 7:32-35 : “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.”

- I lay all this as our foundation because many people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Biblically, if there is a hunger in your heart to be married, a desire that cannot be satisfied otherwise, then you are likely supposed to get married.

- If that’s the case, then it is time for the Lord to bring you the mate that He has made for you. How He unveils that is what I want to talk about next. But suffice it say right here: It takes more than physical attraction and romantic love to make a marriage work.

- Unfortunately that is all that goes into the choices of most who choose to marry today.

- At this point, ask yourself this question: Do I want to be married because of external pressure from society or family? Is God preparing me to be a “spouse?”

- If you are answering yes to question 2, then we’ll address the question of how right now.

II. Parental Involvement (24:1-4)

• Genesis 24:1-4 : “Now Abraham was old, well advanced in age; and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. So Abraham said to the oldest servant of his house, who ruled over all that he had, ‘Please, put your hand under my thigh, and I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.”

- I would be a fool to impose the culture of the people of the ancient near east upon us.

- Of course, ancient peoples arranged marriage between two people and there was a financial deal that was struck between two parties.

- Today, that is still done in parts of the earth, including Morocco.

- “Well, this is not Morocco!” you might say. True.

- My point in showing you this passage is Abraham, a man who is old, whose life is taken care of and who has enjoyed a long marriage himself takes it upon himself to commission his greatest servant for a task of ultimate importance.

- He knows that Isaac needs a wife to bring about the promised Messiah, and he will not leave that choice to his son.

- Fast forward to most western thinking people. Most parents today are checking out when it comes to the process of romantic relationships.

- Quite often there is only one parent on duty anyway due to the very high divorce rate today.

- As a result, most people in the position to couple are finding their own way, their own methods of choosing.

- Even when four parents are involved, often times the couple is too proud to accept help or receive criticism, setting up an “Us vs. Them” mentality.

- God has placed parents in the lives of their children in order to teach and help guide.

• Deuteronomy 4:5-10 : “Surely I have taught you statutes and judgments, just as the Lord my God commanded me, that you should act according to them in the land which you go to possess. Therefore be careful to observe them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples who will hear all these statutes, and say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.’ For what great nation is there that has God so near to it, as the Lord our God is to us, for whatever reason we may call upon Him? And what great nation is there that has such statutes and righteous judgments as are in all this law which I set before you this day? Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, especially concerning the day you stood before the Lord your God in Horeb, when the Lord said to me, ‘Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.’”

- As parents we need to form a partnership with our children, so that they understand that the goal of glorifying the Lord is the highest order of the day.

- As children, we need to honor our parents and include them in the process, recognizing that they know us best and want what’s best for us.

- To the ones without parents physically, understand that God has provided people in the family of Christ that serve as replacements.

- The choice of a spouse should never be made without a great deal of counsel, and that from those closest to you, confirming a gift from the hand of God.

• Proverbs 15:20-23 : “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother. Folly is joy to him who is destitute of discernment, but a man of understanding walks uprightly. Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established. A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is!”

- Think about how flawed this idea is: A person of marrying age is about to make the decision of his/her life, when he/she has had the least amount of experience with decision making? Does that sound right to anyone!?

- Independence and launching into one’s life is essential; leaving and cleaving is necessary. But when to do that is certainly not when you are about to make a life long decision. What is the basis for that decision? This leads us to our next point.

III. Critical Criteria (24:10-14)

• Genesis 24:10-14 : “Then the servant took ten of his master’s camels and departed, for all his master’s goods were in his hand. And he arose and went to Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor. And he made his camels kneel down outside the city by a well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water. Then he said, ‘O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’ --let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.’”

- When Eliezer had the most important job of his life, he called on the name of the Lord and came up with an extraordinary test.

- What test was it? A test of beauty or charm? Perhaps a test for the right kind of humor? No, it a test of the type of character that Isaac required.

- This woman was going to be an extraordinary servant, as drawing water for 10 thirsty camels was one daunting test!

- Rebekah did this for a stranger that had come into town.

- Remember that Eliezer was wise to see that she completed the task.

• Genesis 24:20-22 : “Then she quickly emptied her pitcher into the trough, ran back to the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels. And the man, wondering at her, remained silent so as to know whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not. So it was, when the camels had finished drinking, that the man took a golden nose ring weighing half a shekel, and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten shekels of gold,” (emphasis on “when the camels finished…”)

- He watched her, not only promise and begin, but promise, begin and finish the task of watering 10 thirsty camels.

- Now, there is some built in criteria that the Bible speaks clearly to and this is also alluded to in our studies of Genesis.

- For example, the principle of separation is very clear.

• Genesis 24:3,4 : “and I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.’”

- If the principle is veiled in the old, it is uncovered clearly in the new.

• II Corinthians 6:14-18 : “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.’ Therefore ‘Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.’ ‘I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.’”

- It is never a conceivable position for any believer at any time to get married to a non-Christian. That is expressly taught without exception.

- At the same time, the unequal yoke certainly also has application when it comes to marrying a person with less passion for Christ and His Kingdom.

- That is an important criteria. However, other things need to be examined.

- Character and integrity with regard to financial matters, how they treat your family, how they carry themselves in public, etc. So many things need to be examined and understood.

- Notice I left physical appearance off of the list? So does the Word, even though these women were beautiful, that was not taken into account with regard to choosing a mate. An important lesson for our beauty driven society.

IV. Clear Intentions (2:23-25)

• Genesis 2:23-25 : “And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

- You will notice that I have ended with what is actually part of the foundation.

- I leave it to the end, as I don’t want it’s significance to be lost.

- When Adam looked at Eve, he saw a part of him.

- He saw that his life would be irreversibly tied to her life and that they would be joined together as one unit, both pulling together, for their entire life. This is permanence.

- All other relationships will be second to this primary relationship. This is priority.

- This would obviously lead to a private love that is only shared by such a strong union based on the two prior foundations. This is intimacy.

- There are two real problems that young people face today in the way that they couple with one another.

- First is the “nebulous” factor. This word “nebulous” infers that there is a lack of definition with regard to any given relationship.

- Usually two people will call their relationship a “deep friendship” or will speak of “just hanging out” but will come short of a commitment to one another.

- Inevitably, one person will eventually begin to have deeper feelings that cannot be ignored, but for fear of losing a friendship, will hide them from the other person. From here things get confusing and only pain will follow.

- The second problem is actually related to the first. Two friends who develop a romantic interest and then seek to culminate that relationship sexually.

- From here, the slippery slope of diminishing returns ruins the potential for a good solid long-lasting relationship.

- Biblically, it starts the other way around. A declaration of intention, a dual commitment to the glory of God, a friendship that blossoms around the will of God and a sexual relationship that serves to bond that couple together.

- Apart from avoiding the web of ridiculous falsehood and complicated relationship dynamics, declaring that you are looking to be a “husband” or a “wife” will really help weed out those that might have other intentions in mind.

Conclusion

- As we end this session, let’s bring out a few questions.

- First, are you called to be married? If you are called, then God will provide a spouse and He will gift you to be the spouse you need to be. Wait on Him to reveal that to you. Rest in your relationship in Him. Be satisfied in Him.

- Second, are you actively seeking counsel from those around you regarding this question? God has made us, not independent from each other, but interdependant UPON each other. Don’t isolate yourself.

- Third, have you settled in your heart the criteria which the Lord would have you employ in recognizing the spouse He would bring into your life? It would be good for you to make this the subject of most of your prayers and the special devotion of your Bible time. Your group of counselors are probably ready with some answers for you as well.

- Far from wanting to ruin a romance or kill the joy of the chase, God wants that to be the destiny for those that are called to it.

- And I believe that it’s possible if we would follow His prescription.